How to find friends or romance

First of all you need to decide whether you are looking for romance or looking for friends. Finding friends is far easier than finding romance but you need to know which you really want to follow the correct path and not waste your time, so ask yourself this question - then answer it honestly.

Am I looking for friends or romance?

If you are looking for friends you have an abundance of opportunities. Most people are willing to make friends with nice people and those who share the same interests. The key phrase being 'sharing the same interests'. All you have to do to find friends who share the same interests is join a club. Think of something you like doing or would like to do and find local clubs. Most clubs welcome new members and the people in them are usually more than willing to share their experiences and knowledge. If you want to spread your horizons you could join a national or international club and meet people from far afield. This could lead to some interesting trips and lots of travel. You can then look on the Internet to find clubs in your local area ask at your local library.

If you are looking for romance things get a bit more complicated. Its easy enough to find friends but when looking for romance you are looking for a friend with whom you want have a romantic relationship, so that person has to have that something extra. It's therefore no use joining a club in the hope that someone there might be that special person because the odds are just too low. Instead you must find the places where people congregate who like yourself wish to find romance. At these places you are more likely to be successful because everyone here is looking for romance the same as you.

I tried this some while ago. I had been living alone for a couple of years and decided it was time to find a woman to go out with. To find love and romance just isn't that easy if you don't know anyone. I had worked for myself for years but never seemed to socialise at all, so when I thought the time had arrived to find that special person I just didn't know how to go about it. They say that a large proportion of people find their partners at work and when you think about it, that makes perfect sense. You need to meet someone in order build up a relationship and the most common way of meeting people is at work. Thios however is pretty limiting and its not surprising that so many people split up as soon as they meet other people, probably as soon as they get another job.

So the problem is meeting people. The mating game is a numbers game, the more people you meet the more chance you've got to find a date, and the less good looking you are statistically the more people you will have to meet before you find that special someone. Lets face it if you look like a film star of either sex everyone of the opposite sex will want to date you (and maybe some of the same) but we won't go into that. If you look more plain then its going to take more time and meetings. Just a minute though, eighty percent of the population look plain, so don't despair you are not alone. You will find that special person.

Looks aren't everything. Which idiot said that? Everybody would rather go out with a stunner, its human nature. But the fact is that good looks don't make a nice person. So if romance is what you want then it is time to ask yourself these questions:-

Am I the kind of person who can walk up to a stranger and ask them for a date?

Could I go out with a complete stranger or would they have to be referred by a friend?

Could I go on a blind date?

Would I need to communicate with the person by phone or e-mail before meeting?

Am I the kind of person who can walk up to a stranger and ask them for a date?

If you can find a date by this method you are in the minority but the world is your oyster. If this is easy for you then your chances of finding romance are greatly improved. However you also need to be a person who can take rejection in a big way. If you can do this you can seek romance anywhere and I'm surprised you're even reading this. Nightclubs are a good place, here you will find lots of single people who are looking for companions, dating, romance or just sex. There are lots of singles nights catering for various ages in most large cities. Your chances of scoring are far greater in this environment than anywhere else. However, if you've got the nerve you could ask anyone in a café, library, bus stop or just walking down the street. Your chances of success will be very low but most people would be flattered and not take offence, be prepared for a bit of abuse though.

Could I go out with a complete stranger or would they have to be referred by a friend?

If you could go out on a date with a complete stranger then your chances to find romance are better than if your prospective lover has to be introduced. Going out with someone introduced by a friend limits you to the people who are known by your friends. If you don't have many friends you're sunk. If you are female it is probably far less daunting dating someone recommended by a friend as there is always some risk involved with meeting strangers. If dating a stranger it is recommended that you only meet in a place where other people are present or arrange for a friend to be close by.

If you could date someone who was a complete stranger it is an advantage. This enables you to find romance through a dating agency. Before the advent of computers all dating agencies relied on the telephone and postal services. However since dating websites and email became available online dating has boomed and has been a great asset to those wishing to find friends, find romance and anything else come to that. However, despite the Internet dating sites many people still seem to be willing to pay through the nose to contact others by answering 'Lonely Hearts' ads in newspapers. It seems that nearly every paper you pick up has a full page advertisement dedicated to lonely hearts and finding dates. These can work out very expensive in the long term, far more expensive in fact than joining any kind of subscription based dating websites.

There are two main methods to find dating partners. Firstly the telephone system where you leave a 'free' message on an answering machine. Part of your message is printed in the newspaper to encourage those searching for romance to phone on a premium rate number and leave you a message which you then have to phone, (again on a premium rate number) to hear. The other system for lonely hearts is where you either pay or leave a message via a premium rate number. The message is placed in the newspaper and given a box number, anyone wanting to contact you has to send a letter to the box number with a payment which can be as much as £5 per reply.

Could I go on a blind date?

Which is more important to you when looking for a long term relationship, good looks or personality. If your answer is 'personality' let me just remind you that on a true blind date you have no idea what your blind date looks like or what kind of personality they have. Do you really want to waste time meeting someone who you might not like the moment you set eyes on despite claiming that 'looks don't matter'. Could you meet someone under these circumstances, it would be very difficult for most people. In reality, most blind dates are preceded by telephone chats to try and break the ice a little before actually meeting. I would recommend chatting on the phone with someone before making a date. At least you get to know a little about them and can hear their voice. Even so, I can speak from experience when saying that chatting to someone on the phone doesn't always prepare you for what's in store when you meet. When looking for a date myself I always insisted on sending a photo of me to them so they knew what I looked like. Despite this, some women did still want to meet me! I also insisted that they send one of themselves to me. On one occasion I was contacted by a woman who had the most beautiful soft well spoken sexy voice I had ever heard. I asked for a photograph but she could not supply one. We spoke a few times on the phone and she assured me that I wouldn't be disappointed if we met. I thought this voice could not belong to anyone who was unattractive. I was wrong!!

Would I need to communicate with the person by phone or e-mail before meeting?

Are you the kind of person who would prefer to break the ice and get to know a little bit about your future date before actually dating them. This is not a bad idea and it could save you a lot of time and meetings with people who you instantly know are not the one you are looking for. Initial contact by email or telephone can help to build up a relationship before taking the plunge and meeting and dating. Out of the two I would say telephone conversations are best because you can :-

1) Find out how the person speaks i.e. with a broad local accent - well spoken.
2) Are they one of the growing number of people who cannot speak English properly and pronounce 'th' as 'f ' i.e. 'firteen' instead of 'thirteen', say 'wiv' instead of 'with' and 'vat' instead of 'that'.
3) Get to know what their sense of humour is like.
4) It's a lot easier than typing!

If you prefer to make telephone or email contact with others before dating them obviously blind dates are not for you. If this is your preferred method and you cannot get any referrals from friends then Internet dating sites are your best way of meeting people. But beware!!! Internet dating sites do have pitfalls:-

1) Most dating sites claim to be free when they are not. Well that isn't strictly true but the only bit that is free is of no use to you. What they do is splash FREE FREE FREE all over their homepage to get you to join. Once you have joined they put your profile into their database for others to see, this gives the impression they have lots of members for people to contact. What they don't tell you at this stage is that to contact anyone you have to PAY. When finding this out, most people will realise they have been conned and if they have any sense will have nothing more to do with the site. Unfortunately, your profile is already on display along with probably thousands of other people who have fallen for the same trick and on some sites there is no way to remove it. Consequently, Its highly likely that if you paid to join you would find out that most of their 'members' cannot be contacted.
2) Many dating sites 'buy in' members. This means the members you see are not people who have joined their site but profiles they have bought from companies, which sell profiles to dating sites. There is absolutely no guarantee that these are genuine. You only have to look at the homepages of some dating sites to see this is true because the profiles exhibited are all perfect photographs of 'beautiful people' to tempt you to join.

I don't have a problem with genuine dating sites making a charge to introduce people because after all it is a business and you are paying for a service as you would anywhere else. They are also a really great way to meet people. It is the underhand way in which most of them operate that is unfair. My advice is to avoid agencies who pretend to be free but which are not, and do not pay to join any agency which does not allow you to contact at least a couple of members free before paying.

In conclusion

There is someone out there for everyone, the problem is finding them. How you go about it depends on your personal preferences and circumstances. Internet dating agencies are probably one of the best. Some people say they would never pay to join a dating agency yet they will spend money on petrol, drinks and entrance fees, and spend hours searching clubs and pubs only to go home on their own. Whatever you do GOOD LUCK !